Bang on Loosely Page 5

  “You sound shocked.”

  “I am shocked,” she says, laughing as she wiggles her fingers my way. “Be back soon. I showered last night, so it won’t take me long to throw on my dress and makeup.”

  She vanishes down the hall toward the door leading to the garden and the outbuildings beyond. I’m sure Bridget offered her a room in the main house, but Theo isn’t the type to take up one of Bridget’s big money earners for her personal convenience, even if she is cooking her best friend an elaborate wedding breakfast for free.

  I mean, I love the guys in the band, but no way am I getting up before dawn to do anything for them. I’d rather donate a kidney. At least that can be scheduled to happen at a respectable hour.

  But despite the early hour and my lack of sleep, I find myself humming beneath my breath as I plop the raspberries in their lemon bath and grab the omelet vegetables from the fridge. Theo has seen things my way, and I’m one step closer to making my second chance with Megan a reality. Life is fucking good.

  I’m so pumped full of optimism that not even seeing Zack walk back into the kitchen beside Theo, already dressed in suit pants and a freshly pressed vest over his white button-down, can dampen my enthusiasm. In fact, it only makes my shit-eating grin take up more room on my face.

  Zack’s presence means Theo and I will have to put off dishing the details of our plan, but it gives me an excellent excuse to show Theo how much I appreciate her curvy body in that clingy peach dress she’s wearing.

  “Wow,” she says, beaming at the soaking berries and pile of chopped mushrooms and green pepper as she circles around the island. “Thank you so much, Cutter. Everything looks great!”

  “Not as great as you in that dress,” I say, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her against me. Her lips part in surprise, but I take care of that—covering her mouth with mine before she can say anything that might throw a wrench in our game of pretend.

  For a beat, she’s stiff and still in my arms, but as my lips move against hers, she softens, tilting her head to return the kiss as her arms go around me. She isn’t as committed or as enthusiastic as I’d like, but it’s a decent start, and when she pulls away with a laugh, she’s all pink and flustered.

  I hope it drives Zach crazy.

  I cut a look his way to find him paler than he was before, but if he’s surprised, he’s hiding it well. “Sorry,” I say, not sounding sorry at all. Because I’m not. Zack had a hundred chances to be the guy in Theo’s life, and he let them all pass by. “Just couldn’t keep my hands off this one a second longer.”

  “We’ve sort of been dating, have been dating. For a while,” Theo stammers, patting my chest with a little too much force. “But we’re trying to keep it under wraps for now. So if you wouldn’t mind keeping it to yourself, we’d appreciate it.”

  “Yeah, man,” I say, hugging Theo closer, enjoying the feel of her curves soft against me as I cop a quick feel of her ass. She pinches my side in return, but I cover my grunt of pain with a cough. “We don’t want to steal the newlyweds’ thunder, you know?”

  “Of course,” Zach says, his tone as irritatingly neutral as his expression, leaving me no clue as to what he really thinks about me hooking up with Theo. “You guys do you, and I’ll stay out of the way.”

  “Good,” I say, a challenge in my voice I don’t fully understand.

  “Great,” Zack responds, but he doesn’t sound like he thinks it’s great, and he doesn’t congratulate us on finding something special with each other. He just grabs a bottle of green juice from the fridge, tells us he’ll see us at breakfast, and leaves the kitchen just as a swarm of teenagers dressed in cater-waiter uniforms floods in through the door.

  “We’ll talk later, jerk face,” Theo hisses at me under her breath.

  I grin. “You sure you don’t want me to stick around? Help out some more?”

  “You’ve already helped out enough, and I have staff to direct,” she snaps, fire in her eyes as she meets my gaze. “But we will talk later, Cutter. And you will listen to me and take me seriously.”

  “Of course I will,” I agree, weaving through the crowd of tittering girls gathered by the lockers near the door, clearly excited to see a rock star in the kitchen. “I always take you seriously, sweetheart.”

  Blowing her a kiss that’s answered by swoony sighs from the teen girls and a soft growl from Theo, I swing out of the kitchen with a smile.

  A smile that stretches wider as I spot Zach crossing the grounds outside with a scowl on his face. Ha! Looks like someone’s jealous, after all. No matter how grouchy and resistant to fun she is, Theo will be down on her knees thanking me for this brilliant fake-dating idea by the time we’re through.

  Trying not to think too much about Theo on her knees and all the things I’d love for her to do to me with her mouth while she’s down there—I intend to respect her no-sex-thoughts boundary the best I can, at least until she tells me otherwise—I return to my room to shower and get dressed, certain all is perfect with the world.

  I go right on believing that through the wedding breakfast, Shep and Bridget’s send-off, and the walk to the coffee shop to meet Theo.

  Theo, who isn’t there. Who has stood me up for our first fake date.

  It isn’t a great sign, but it isn’t enough to make me give up, either. I’m all in with this, and by the end of the day, I’ll make sure my cranky princess is, too.

  Chapter Five

  From the texts of Theodora Devi

  and Cutter Comstock

  Cutter: You’re late. My coffee is getting cold.

  Theodora: I’m not late. I’m not coming.

  Cutter: You’re standing me up on our first date? Classy, Squirt.

  Theodora: Don’t call me that. And it’s not a date; it’s a boundary-setting meeting. And after the stunt you pulled in the kitchen this morning, it’s obvious I’m better off setting boundaries with you from a distance.

  Cutter: It was just a kiss, princess. It’s not a big deal.

  Theodora: It IS a big deal! I wasn’t ready. We agreed to make a plan before we told our friends or family. But you just sprung it on me, pouncing and leaving me standing there stammering like an idiot. I don’t want to make out in front of our friends, Cutter! And I especially didn’t want Zack to find out like that. You should have waited.

  Cutter: You told Colette without running it by me first.

  Theodora: Colette can be trusted to keep a secret.

  Cutter: So can Zack. You know him. He’s a vault. He doesn’t gossip. Ever. About anything. He’s very boring.

  Theodora: He’s not boring. He’s one of my closest friends. And he was hurt that I’ve been keeping something as important as a relationship with his bandmate a secret from him. I could tell.

  Cutter: Oh, please. He’ll get over it. He’s a grown man.

  Theodora: We’ve shared everything about our romantic lives since we were teenagers, Cutter. Zack is the person I talk to about boys and vice versa. This is a serious shift away from friendship as usual for us. I’d be hurt, too, if our positions were reversed. And we could have avoided that with, like, ten minutes of advanced planning on our part.

  Cutter: I’ll tell him I asked you to keep it a secret. I was worried he would try to talk you out of dating me, so I swore you to secrecy. There. Now it’s my fault, not yours. Problem solved.

  Theodora: It’s not solved. He knows me better than that. I don’t let my boyfriends tell me what to do.

  Cutter: Is that why you’ve had so many long-lasting relationships? I was wondering.

  Theodora: Fork you. And forget this. I don’t want that space bad enough to put up with your shit for three weeks.

  Cutter: Wait! I was just kidding, Theo. Seriously! You’ve had way more successful relationships than I have. Megan is the only woman I’ve dated for longer than a few months. I have zero right to throw shade your way.

  Theodora: That’s right, jerk face. And I work long, grueling hours in a hot kitchen w
ith men who resent me for taking a promotion they think rightfully belonged to one of them. I don’t have the kind of job that lends itself to meeting people, especially people primed to fall into bed with me at the crook of my pinkie finger. You’re famous and wealthy and stupidly hot. It’s not fair to compare our lives. We’re not playing on a level field, and you know it.

  Cutter: You’re a hell of a cook. You deserved that promotion. Tell those dudes to fuck themselves and get over it.

  Theodora: Yeah, that’s not how things work, Cutter. They already call me a bitch behind my back because bossing them around is part of my job. If I start actually being a bitch, they’ll stage a coup, and I’ll probably get fired.

  Cutter: Then fire them first and hire better people.

  Theodora: I can’t. A lot of them have been working at Claudio’s longer than I have. The only way to create the kind of healthy work environment I want is to start from scratch with my own kitchen and my own people. There are lots of men out there who are fine with a woman being in charge, and many talented female cooks who aren’t getting hired in traditional kitchens. I know I can build a dynamite team. I just need a dynamite location to set us all up for success.

  Cutter: And you’re going to have it. We can sign the lease today if you want. I trust you to hold up your end of the bargain. Even after you’ve gotten what you want.

  Theodora: Ugh.

  Cutter: No ugh. Yippee! That’s the sound you should be making.

  Theodora: Ha. I can’t imagine you saying yippee. That is so not a word that would ever come out of your mouth.

  Cutter: I’m going to be yippee-ing all the way home as soon as you tell me we’re good to hit the ground running on this tonight.

  Theodora: Tomorrow. I need a day to recover from the wedding. It was fun, but I can’t remember the last time I was this exhausted.

  Cutter: Then we can do something low-key tonight. Like go see a movie. The Raven Showcase is just a few blocks from Megan’s mom’s house.

  Theodora: So you want to go to the movies and just hope to randomly bump into Megan on the way in or out?

  Cutter: It could happen. It can’t hurt to put ourselves in her orbit.

  Theodora: Yes, it will. It’s a waste of time, and I don’t have time to waste. Some of us aren’t on vacation, you know. I have a limited amount of free time, so we have to be strategic.

  Cutter: So what do you suggest?

  Theodora: I have a few ideas and a few feelers out.

  Cutter: Like what?

  Theodora: Megan’s a member of the Sunday Fun Day Run Club, the one that hosts the 10k race during the Claw Down festival every year. They do a different loop through town every Sunday morning.

  Cutter: So we brunch near their running route. Brilliant.

  Theodora: No. We join the club, slacker.

  Cutter: Running before noon is a hard no. Even running after noon is only a sketchy maybe.

  Theodora: If I can get up and run after working until midnight most Saturday nights, you can manage it, too, princess. Besides, it will be good for you. Get you in shape for the European tour so you can rock hard and stuff.

  Cutter: I can rock hard without taking up running. Running is for people who lack imagination.

  Theodora: Your true love would clearly disagree.

  Cutter: Megan never ran when we were together. It’s probably a bad habit she picked up from that loser ex-husband of hers. I bet mobsters love jogging. It sounds like the kind of slow torture that would be right up their alley.

  Theodora: Her ex isn’t in the group. I already stalked their Instachat page to be sure. Come on, it will be good for us. And it’s the easiest way to make sure our path crosses Megan’s without it seeming weird or staged. A couple of my friends from culinary school are part of the group, too, so that will help defray suspicion.

  Cutter: Okay. Fine. Fuck.

  Theodora: Good, I’ll fill out the forms and pay our dues as soon as we’re done finalizing our rules of engagement. We’re already clear on rules one and two. I’ll send the rest of my rules to you in an email.

  Cutter: I don’t do email.

  Theodora: Everyone does email. An email address is a necessity of modern life.

  Cutter: *shrugging emoji* Yet somehow, if you’re willing to pay someone to handle that shit, it no longer becomes a necessity.

  Theodora: Wow. So you never check your own email?

  Cutter: Nope.

  Theodora: I kind of want to be you when I grow up. I hate email.

  Cutter: Come with me to the dark side, Squirt. And leave your rules behind while you’re at it. We don’t need rules.

  Theodora: Nope. I’m standing firm on one and two. And I’m in charge of our backstory. We started dating last fall, right around when Shep disappeared. We were so worried about him that we didn’t get around to telling anyone at first, and then we kept it under wraps until we were sure that it would last. We realized we were a volatile couple and didn’t want to make things weird for our friends by announcing we were together only to break up right after.

  Cutter: Volatile makes it sound like we fight all the time.

  Theodora: We do fight all the time. And our friends know it. They’ll be more likely to believe us if we stick closely to the truth.

  Cutter: All right. Fine. But how do we explain my…indiscretions on tour? I haven’t had a girlfriend since last fall, but I’ve been enjoying time with my fuck buddies and the rest of the band knows it.

  Theodora: We’ll say I refused to get exclusive until last week. We were still dating, but I wanted to be free to find a guy closer to home. So you were drowning your sorrows in second-class poose while you were on tour, yearning for the day when I would finally make you mine.

  Cutter: LOL. Second-class poose, huh? You have a high opinion of yourself, don’t you?

  Theodora: I’ve seen enough porn to know I’m on the cuter side of the poose spectrum.

  Cutter: I would comment on that, but since your boobs are off-limits, I’m assuming pussy is off the verbal menu as well?

  Theodora: It’s off all the menus. And that’s another thing—we don’t talk about our little mistake. Ever. Even when we’re alone, we pretend we’ve never seen each other naked.

  Cutter: So much pretending. How am I supposed to keep it all straight?

  Theodora: I’ll make you a cheat sheet. Right after I teach you to read.

  Cutter: LOL. Good. So what time does this running start tomorrow?

  Theodora: Six a.m.

  Cutter: Fuck me up the ass with a cactus.

  Theodora: Get to bed early tonight, and you’ll be fine. I’ll pick you up at five thirty so we’ll have time to find a parking spot. And please be waiting in your driveway, okay? I’d rather not see your dad again anytime soon. Or ever.

  Cutter: You don’t have to be embarrassed. He used to play shows at a nudist colony back in the day. When he’s not being an asshole, he’s actually very cool. And he’s only an asshole to me, so you’re safe. I bring out the asshole in otherwise chill people.

  Theodora: So I’ve noticed. I’m pretty sure you’re the only person I’ve ever flipped off more than once. And usually I only bring out the bird while I’m driving. Road rage is real.

  Cutter: It is. But understandable. The shitty, inconsiderate way people drive is a reminder that the world is full of shitty, inconsiderate people.

  Theodora: It is. But I prefer to believe the best about people. Even you. I’m trusting you for the length of our fake relationship. Don’t make me regret it, okay?

  Cutter: I won’t. I promise. And thank you, Theo. I appreciate your help. Seriously.

  Theodora: You’re welcome. See you in the morning.

  Cutter: In the morning, princess. At the butt-crackiest of dawn.

  Chapter Six